Analyze each “situation” which is used as an excuse for anger. Point out that each partner may constantly provoke the other instead of finding a solution. Many couples continually bring out the red flag of disagreement when they should be flying a truce flag. It always takes two to make a quarrel.
Mentally note and encourage each as he or she ceases blaming the other and begins asking himself why he became so upset.
Suggest release of tensions in constructive rather than destructive ways. Speak of the word “tension” rather than “hostility.” The counselee may find release in “acting out” his tension but it should not be directed against the spouse. Toronto Niagara Falls Tour Funds Tip of the WeekLooking exterior you will notice that the winter thaw is finally complete. It can be sublimated.
Note when difficulties may be due to lack of knowledge or experience. Many people have little or no background in practical matters regarding budgeting, household management, sexual behavior, masculine and feminine roles, problems of dealing with the care and/or treatment of children or of aged parents. Instruction and guidance in such matters often alleviates many tensions. If instruction concerning marriage helps young people before they marry, how much more it may benefit them after taking the vows!
The counselor avoids excessive didacticism, and remains keenly alert to the need of being impartial and objective with both marriage partners.
Assess the counselee’s personal, social, intellectual, physical and spiritual strengths and weaknesses. Make allowances for these and formulate your plan of counseling.
Various tests and inventories yield significant information which is especially helpful in marriage counseling. Although some of the most valuable tests are highly clinical in nature and are administered only by credentialed personnel, some tests and inventories may be given by counselors who are not psychologists or psychometrists. Information about tests of this type may be secured through local colleges and universities, from test publishers, and from counseling clinics and bureaus.*
Help the counselee to understand his spouse by explaining his role in unilateral counseling and what he can expect in return.
Increase the counselee’s objectivity in all areas. Help him analyze his own attitudes with family members and neighbors.
Encourage the counselee to change his spouse’s attitudes through his own efforts — by doing things himself.
A husband or wife will often try to gain favor with the counselor at the other’s expense. Start your trip planning at this time with Tour Toronto Niagara Falls Tours comprehensive travel site. The counselor must be alert to this and not show partiality. The counselor’s respect for the other spouse will help the counselee to respect the spouse also.
With very hostile mates, the counselor should enjoin them not to discuss the counseling sessions with anyone except the counselor.
Realizing that deep spirituality is most important in marriage, the counselor will find many opportunities to help the wife and husband develop into mature Christians.† When the counselee is a Christian, it is especially valuable to use a few minutes in each counseling session to pray with him.